Divorce's Lasting Effects
The Washington Times posts an interesting article here on the effects of divorce on children.
The brief article addresses two different views of divorce held by researchers on the effects of divorce on children. Elizabeth Marquardt takes the position that parents should fight harder to save their marriages because of the effects that it has on children. On the other hand, Vicki Lansky emphasizes that what is important is the way the parents' divorce unfolds, not the fact that the divorce itself occurs. Both have authored books on divorce.
My own opinion is that while I agree with Ms. Lansky that divorcing spouses should attempt to avoid an overly adversarial divorce,her view about divorce itself misses the mark. She states that "it would also help if the nation would stop hyping the 'whole nuclear-family fantasy' and how children deserve 'perfect lives.' "I don't think anybody has perfect lives," she says. "Family configurations are so different today, and I think it's wonderful. I think we need more family, not less. ... The more, the merrier."
The more, the merrier? Does she really think that society benefits by more divorces because it leads to more family units? Although I've not done academic research on the issue, I have seen first hand the effects of divorce on hundreds of my clients and their children over the years. And, I can tell you divorce is a painful process that does directly and negatively affect children. Yes, there are cases where divorce is the only way to remove children from an environment of abuse or neglect. But, in my experience that has overwhelmingly been the minority of cases. Often, the divorcing spouses are, as Mrs. Marquadt says, couples in unhappy but low conflict marriages (she says her studies show that a full two thirds of divorces could be so characterized). It is those couples which she urges to fight harder to save their marraiges. She says. "A lot of people in an unhappy marriage can get happier in their marriage." She is right. And, I'd add that many people that get divorced thinking it will bring them happiness are later disappointed to find that it did not.