Advice for Divorcing Parents
If you have read this blog for any length of time, then you know that one of the issues that drove me to and sustains me in practicing family law is my desire to reduce the pain of divorce on children.
Often the parents get so caught up in the emotion of the divorce, they overlook the effect that their behavior is having on their children.
In this article in the Kansas City Star, Gary Kretchmer, director of domestic relations division in Johnson County Missouri, outlines the worst things and the best things that divorcing parents can do to a child. His advice and experience echoes mine, and I commend it to any parent that is going through a divorce. Keep it in mind and your children will benefit greatly. Ignore it and they will suffer the consequences.
Worst things a divorcing parent can do to a child:
ρ Criticize the other parent.
ρ Make the child feel guilty for loving the other parent.
ρ Use the child to spy on the other parent.
ρ Ask the child to serve as a messenger to the other parent.
Best things a divorcing parent can do for a child:
ρ Respect the other parent.
ρ Use a cooperative rather than competitive spirit with the other parent.
ρ Try to rebuild at least a level of trust.
ρ Work on communicating well.
Hello,
I am not married, but it feels like I am going through a divorce. My girlfriend and I have a newborn (1/18/2006), and I am not allowed to visit. Her mother won't let me visit them, and won't allow my girlfriend to visit my home either.
I live four (4) house up the block. My girlfriend is 29 years old, but her mom says she is mentally challenged. Her mother makes all the decisions, and will not let us run our relationship.
I would like to have custody of my son so I can see him everyday.
He can still live with his mom and I have custody could'nt he?
This is a situation that is more like a T.V. Show or Movie...
I miss them both so much...
Mr. Reed,
Thanks for the question. As the father, you would need to file a petition to establish paternity and a motion for custody (if you do want custody). Time is of the essence because until a court declares you to be the father, you have no rights to the child at all. Additionally, there is a law in Alabama called the Putative Father Registry that says if you don't register within 30 days of the birth of the child she could allow the child to be adopted without notice to or consent from you! It is a very harsh law. You've already missed the filing deadline so the only way to try to protect your parental rights at this time would be to immediately get with a lawyer and file a petition for paternity as soon as possible. If you want to e-mail me with your location (and where the child was born), I can try to refer you to a lawyer in your area.