Though she is not a player, the 28-year-old California native has divorced her husband of six years due to his development of what she describes as a "crippling addiction" to the game.

She claimed that shortly after he would come home from work at 6:00 p.m., he would begin playing until 3:00 a.m. She said that he was even worse on the weekends, when he would play from the morning until the middle of the night.

“I ceased to exist in his life,” she said.

Jocelyn and her ex-husband Peter had been friends since age 13. However, nine months was all it took for the marriage to fall apart.

She said she purchased the game as a Christmas present for him in 2004, when it first came out. They had their first serious discussion about the direction of the marriage in May of 2005. She moved out of the house by September 2005.

She also said her ex-husband failed to perform his domestic duties as well. She says that he was no longer paying his bills, nor doing his part of the housework.

She doesn’t hesitate to say that the game was the main reason the divorce took place and is still emotional about the impact it had on the marriage. She was upset that her husband would ruin his life and his marriage for “a fantasy land.”

This story was originally told at Yahoo Games and can be found at this link.  Though it only includes one side of the story, if true, it is sad that a video game could cause the break up of a marriage.  It reminds me of the title of a good book, Amusing Ourselves to Death.  Or, in this case Amusing Ourselves to Divorce.

Often lawyers will use multiple methods of discovery in an effort to obtain complete information.  I have had clients ask me not to pursue discovery for fear of the costs that would be incurred.  This is often short sighted.  An example from a recent case I had is instructive.

I was representing a wife in a divorce case.  The husband had complete control of all of the finances and the wife was not even aware of all of the assets.  Through the discovery we sent to the husband he produced a spreadsheet that he claimed were the assets.  The wife was surprised at the amount of assets that were disclosed.  They were much more than she thought they had.  But, the husband showed what he claimed to be the fair market value and the loans owed on them.  In all, he showed a net equity of less than $500,000.  It was more than the wife suspected, but something told me it was less than it should be.  So, we subpoenaed his bank records. 

The bank produced documents to us that included the husband's loan application and the net worth statement that he provided to the bank.  And, you've probably guessed the punch line - the net worth statement he provided to the bank included assets that he had not disclosed on the financial statement he provided to us, and the values were higher.  In all, the difference was that he showed a net worth on the financial statement provided to the bank that was nearly $2.5 million dollars - increasing the marital estate for the divorce judge to divide by about $2 million!

My client now understands it was to her benefit to make sure we did a thorough job of discovery.  Obviously this example (though completely true) is not what usually happens - at least not to this degree.  But, the lesson is a good one - make sure that your lawyer does a thorough job of discovery.  And, make sure that you let him.

Here is a summary of their points:

1. Trying to keep the house no matter the costs.  Many couples scrambling to obtain a divorce settlement wish to keep the house at any cost. However, financial experts say that more attention should be given to who can afford to maintain the property, pay the mortgage, and manage the taxes. While it is possible to ask for spousal support to help make the mortgage payments, unexpected maintenance costs may pop up, and make home ownership more of a liability than a luxury.

2. Failing to get a clean financial break from your former spouse.  Clean separation of assets and debts is another difficult task, but one that Howard Dvorkin, the founder of Consolidated Credit Counseling Services says is absolutely necessary, or the consequences can be devastating. Although the task may seem insurmountable, “the alternative is much worse,” says Dvorkin. “Having a spouse drive up your debt when you’re not married anymore” can seriously affect one’s credit score.

3. Depending on your former spouse to comply with financial arrangements. This is also a huge mistake, according to the USA Today article. Although both parties in a divorce are beholden to a court-ordered divorce agreement, creditors do not fall under that arrangement. If your ex spouse is supposed to pay the mortgage, but doesn’t, “the lender is going to sue both of you,” remarks Melissa Avery, an Indianapolis family law attorney. This holds true in Alabama divorces as well; if your ex fails to pay the mortgage, you may be hurt when applying for future loans.

4. Not reviewing your estate plan after a divorce. Wills and trusts can also be seriously impacted by divorce proceedings. If divorced spouses wait unnecessarily long to change a beneficiary on a will, for example, the money may go to the wrong person—your new spouse may get nothing, while your ex spouse inherits the amount provided for in your will.

5. Not understanding the different tax treatment of alimony vs. child support.  Finally, never forget which amount of money in your divorce settlement is alimony, and which amount is child support. Whereas child support payments are not taxable to the recipient, alimony payments are. Furthermore, there are limits to how long a person can receive such payments—child support payments can no longer be received once the child turns 18 or is done with college, while spousal support generally ends once the recipient remarries.

Credit goes to the California Family Law Blog for first posting about this article.

The court found that the wife was not prevented from reading the agreement, and that as a real estate agent she should have been familiar with the import of reading a legal document.

The Court apparently also found it important that the wife knew the husband was a "millionaire" before they married, and thus was aware of the general extent of his assets at the time she signed the agreement.  Reportedly the wife attempted to seek legal advice, but when she was advised that her attorney was unavailable she declined to seek other counsel.

There are several lessons here: one is not to sign a prenuptial agreement on the day before your wedding.  I can't tell you how many of the people that come to retain me to help them with their prenuptial agreements that wait until the last minute.  That is a terrible idea.  The other lesson is to get legal counsel.  In this case, the wife likely gave up significant legal rights.  And, whether she was a real estate agent or not, she may not have fully appreciated the impact her signature had.

Houston divorce lawyer, Shannon Cavers, recently posted an informative article on this subject here.  Like Shannon, at the initial consultation we ask our clients for a spouse safe e-mail and mailing address.  It is so simple to open a yahoo or hotmail e-mail account for free, that you should consider opening one for this purpose.  In doing so, make sure that you use a password that they will not guess and that is unique to this account.

1. What behavior of clients still surprises you?
That couples who did not get along during their marriage expect a divorce judge to suddenly make them cooperate with each other.

2. What determines how fast a divorce can be obtained?
The psychological point the parties are at. Some are ready to end it, get on with their life. Others use the process as a catharsis to re-live their entire marriage, vent their frustration and assert blame.

3. What is the best advice to give to a non-custodial parent?
Be polite and kind to the custodial parent. They control access to your children. Regardless of your visitation, the custodial parent has tremendous control. You may be rude behind their back but never to their face. It's a game you need to learn to play well or you could lose something greater than your pride.

4. What is the best advice to give a custodial parent?
Let your ex have the children as much as they will take them. You need a break. They are the perfect babysitter. You know they will take care of them and if they are around the children alot, they will be more sensitive to their needs.

5. Does joint custody work?
It can. Some people are naturals at it; others need a little help. A child psychologist can help those who don't realize they have damaging behavior. Putting the child in the middle and parental alienation are classic problems in joint custody.

6. What is the worst fear of most women?
That their spouse will fight them for custody.

7. Do most men fight for custody?
There are two categories of those who do: Men who honestly want custody. Men who want to scare their wives into accepting less child support provided they later relinquish the fight.

8. How can you tell the difference?
From the obvious. Those who never spend any time with their children prior to the divorce being filed; those who travel and are never home; those who have girlfriends. These guys don't want custody.

9. Any way to control those who are insincere?
For the ones who are just using custody as a fear factor, you should call their bluff. Offer them custody and watch them run.

10. Does guilt play a part in the outcome of a divorce?
Yes. Usually the party that seeks the divorce is willing to take less. Men who want the divorce and have children are willing to pay more support and often give up the house to the wife and children.

11. Does mediation work?
If you have an experienced mediator, you can usually resolve some of the issues. The mediator's experience should match the sophistication of the parties.

12. As an attorney, what do you learn from the mediation even if the divorce doesn't settle?
It's a great way to evaluate opposing counsel and their client. Most clients and attorneys reveal the strength of their case at mediation because they are trying to influence the mediator. It's a great way to find out everything that is going to be presented against you at trial. It is also a good way to find out what the opposing counsel knows about your client.

13. As an attorney, can you influence a mediator?
Usually, but you should do this when you are alone with your client and the mediator. You can ask the mediator to present issues a certain way. They will hold any information confidential that you ask them to. You can explore all types of settlement offers to find the give and take.

14. Is it advisable for the attorney to be aggressive at mediation?
I think you should save your best arguments and evidence for the Judge. Their opinions are the only ones that matter. If the opposing side hears damaging evidence prior to the trial, you can bet they will have a good prepared response when they hear it at trial.

15. Does the personality of the parties influence the Judge?
Yes. I like to find out what question I need to ask to make their spouse mad and that is the first one I ask.

16. How do you prepare your client for trial?
I prepare and go over their questions and answers in advance. That way they know at least 50% of what is going to happen.

17. What is the best advice you can give your client in the courtroom?
The judge determines everything. Although the judge doesn't ask the questions, you should look at the judge when you answer. It is his courtroom. Get him involved. Read the situation. If he looks bored or disinterested, make your answers short. Be respectful. Don't argue with the opposing attorney and never, never argue with the judge.

18. What practical considerations should a party consider when testifying?
The judge makes a decision based on a very limited view of the situation. In doing so, perception becomes reality. If one witness is better organized, more articulate, the judge can understand their testimony. For someone to make a decision, they have to be able to understand the facts. Unorganized testimony is difficult to follow. Also. perception gives credibility. Witnesses who are neat and clean and speak in an even tone without anger or bitterness are received as more truthful. Arrogance is a certain loser. Create advantages. If no one believes you, your evidence and testimony loses its importance.

19. Can you tell us if there are any tactics opposing counsel use that in your opinion have been unnecessary?
When they refuse to concede they are wrong and force the issue before the judge. These include filing a petition in the wrong county; asking for the non-custodial parent to pay for college when the law does not provide that they have to; denying their client had an affair when the client has had a child with their girlfriend/boyfriend; asking for support which exceeds the non-custodial parent's income; demanding personal property for their client which was the pre-marital property of the opposing party; asking for half of spouse's retirement when 75% was accumulated prior to the marriage; demanding visitation with their spouse's children by a prior relationship. The list can be endless.

CLOSING THOUGHTS: I am assisting people at a very difficult time in their life when they are called upon to make major decisions when they are not emotionally prepared to make them. I try to give them a sense of control over a situation that appears out of control. I try and give them feedback on how their behavior will be perceived to the Court and suggest directions which reflects more favorably on them. I strive to narrow the issues to the best settlement possible so they can determine if it's a settlement they can live with or whether they would rather take their chances with the decision of the Judge. Often times, a Judge will be more fair than the person you have been married to.

ORIGINAL SOURCE: DivorceNet

Here is a post he recently made where he found a nice Divorce Checklist which contains a  general list of issues that should be considered in resolving a divorce.  The list includes:

1. Custodial arrangements for the children
2. Visitation/parenting time
3. Child support
4. Medical, dental, hospital, pharmaceutical, and psychological expenses for the children
5. COBRA or medical insurance for a former spouse for up to 3 years from the entry of the divorce judgement where applicable
6. Income tax exemptions regarding the children -- who will claim them
7. Alimony/spousal support
8. Property division
9. Division of real estate, transfers, and deeds
10. Making sure that all investments are covered including limited partnerships, stocks, bonds, and savings
11. The handling of debts
12. Pensions, IRA accounts, 401K transfers, Qualified Domestic Relations Orders
13. Personal property including furniture, furnishings, art, and collectibles
14. Motor vehicles, including trailers and boats
15. Income taxes whether there can be joint filings and liabilities for payment of taxes
16. Bankruptcy issues, protection in case one spouse does go bankrupt
17. Proper security and protection regarding property division
18. Clauses to hold the other spouse harmless and indemnification in case someone fails to live up to his or her obligations
19. How to handle the discovery of hidden assets
20. Spouse abuse and restraining orders
21. Restoration of a prior maiden name
22. Life insurance policies as protection for child support payments, alimony/spousal support payments, and/or property payments in the event of death
23. Attorney fees and/or mediator, accountant, and other expert fees and payment of same
24. College education for children and/or spouse
25. Provisions for review in certain circumstances such as with regard to child support and/or spousal support.
26. Clauses such as payment for summer camps and/or religious training and/or upbringing or other special situations involving children

Of particular interest to Alabama families is the speculation that one of the primary reasons the divorce rate is declining is that many more people are choosing to live together without getting married.  I have noticed that trend in my practice. 

However, the scary thing about that trend in Alabama, is that we are among the few states who still recognize common law marriage.  That means that couples may be intending to cohabitate without marriage, but if they meet the (sometimes nebulous) tests for a common law marriage then those couples will still need to go through the divorce process to legally conclude their relationship.

Here is the Fox Rothschild post:

Divorce rates hit an all time high in 1981.  According to a recent article on the CNN website, rates are continuing to drop.  But there are differences in opinion as to what really is going on in American families.

Several theories exist:

* Divorce rates are down because less people get married. Rather, they live together. In fact, the number of couples living together has increased by a factor of 10 since 1960.
* Divorce rates are falling in couples who are college educated. The rationale being that in such families both parties may work, reducing financial stress, and allowing the couples to remain married.
* In some areas, the stigma of being divorced has increased. Couples in these areas may be working harder to stay married.

One thing to think about is that it doesn't matter to the children whether their parents are married or just live together when they split.  Either way, the children suffer the loss of their family.

The rather crass title of this post is the actual bumper sticker of a local divorce lawyer.  But, in this story, the husband's divorce wasn't twenty grand - it was $184 million!  It is reportedly the highest divorce award in history.

It reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon I once saw.  In it a lawyer sits across from his female divorce client and tells her, "Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's 27 years of loyalty and devotion.  They are wrong."  In this case, it was a high price indeed.

I set out here the list of steps to consider in its entirety for easy reference:

1.  Find a wise guide

2A. Determine what your own
2B. Determine what you owe
2C. Determine income (yours and your spouses')

3.  Make photocopies of the financial records

4.  Prepare a budget

5.  Document and safeguard personal property

6.  Establish your own credit

7.  Assess the financial accounts

8.  Address the credit accounts

9.  Avoid additional debt or major purchases

10.  Stay put

11.  Keep a diary

12.  Consider a private investigator

13.  Be good

It is simply this: Be Good.

Here is the principle: you are about to be under a microscope.  You are reading this blog, so I assume that you may be facing a divorce and you'd like to that unpleasant process to be as amicable as possible.  Unfortunately, that is not always possible.  Your spouse may not share that objective for some reason.  They may be influenced by others (lawyers, friends, etc.) that convince them that what you are offering is not fair.

So, there is a chance that your case will end up going to trial no matter how diligent you and your lawyer are about trying to work the case out fairly and quickly.  That being said, you should not put ammunition in the gun for your spouse to use against you.

That means no dating, no carousing, and no partying. If custody may be an issue it means making the children your number one priority (they should be that anyway, right?).  Even things that are perfectly legal and harmless any other time can be twisted to look suspicious or worse in the hands of your spouse’s lawyer. 

Suppose for example that you go out for dinner and drinks with members of the office to celebrate a fellow employee’s birthday.  This sounds harmless enough.  But, in a custody case these questions may be asked: While you chose to go out drinking with your friends, your spouse was at home taking care of the children, correct?  Are you having a romantic relationship with Joe/Jane who was also at the party?  How many drinks did you have that night?  This is something you routinely did during the marriage, isn’t it (i.e. choosing social events over your family)? You drove home that night under the influence of alcohol didn’t you? Etc.

You get the point.  This is a silly example, but why even open yourself up to this line of questioning.  Don’t put the judge in the position having to decide whether you are telling the truth that this was a harmless and isolated event.

Alabama law does consider “fault” when deciding how to divide property in a divorce.  Additionally, depending on the facts, adultery can affect custody determinations.

If your spouse is committing adultery, then you are better off having proof of it then not.  This is the case even where you fully intend to settle your case.  In fact, often having proof of an affair is what gets the case settled at terms that are fair to you.

It is important to documents all of the major events that occur until the divorce is final.  Your lawyer will likely want your help in reconstructing a chronology (a list in order by date) of the major events that led to the filing of the divorce.  Additionally, you should begin keeping careful records of new events and incidents as they occur.  Simply note the date, what happened and any witnesses that may have observed it.  In the unfortunate event that your case drags on, events will begin running together and your memory may fail you.  Don't rely on it. 

Instead, keep an ongoing diary.  Then provide this to your lawyer periodically so he is aware of any significant facts in your case. 

I should note that you really should discuss this recommendation with your lawyer before implementing it.  Some lawyers may not want you to have an ongoing record like this because it could be obtained by the other lawyer during the discovery phase of the trial (something that could have a negative effect on your case).  Or, they may want you to take certain steps to attempt to protect it from begin discoverable by the opposing lawyer.  These are technical legal issues beyond the scope of this blog.  Suffice it to say that you need to talk this over with your lawyer first.

One of the most common questions I am asked by my clients is whether they can move out of the house.  In most cases my answer to them is to stay put.  It is not the answer most of my clients want.

I know that things are stressful.  I know that they will likely get worse before they get better. Unfortunately, there are several reasons to avoid leaving. The most important ones are the following:

1.       It could jeopardize your custody claim.  If you end up in a custody dispute, then if you leave the house and the children remain there with your spouse you will almost guarantee that you will not receive primary custody.  If the case becomes contested, it could drag out for many months (even a year or two).   If your spouse has had primary physical custody that entire time and you’ve had alternate weekend visitation, then unless your spouse has made major mistakes in the interim, they will likely maintain primary custody.

2.       It could affect your property interests.  You’ve moved out.  Your spouse pays the mortgage the entire time the case is pending.  Some judges may factor that in when making the property division.

3.       You will lose leverage in the negotiations. This is big.  You want the divorce.  Your spouse doesn’t.  You decide you have to get out of the house.  You move to an apartment and are paying your rent and the home mortgage.  Now under the Pre-trial Status Quo Order you may be required to keep paying it as long as the case is pending.  You have just given your spouse a major incentive to drag out the litigation.  I see it happen all the time.  Eventually you decide to settle for much worse terms because you can’t keep paying for two households.  Do not make this mistake.

Moving out of the house can have dramatic effects on the case.  Do not do it without discussing it with your lawyer and giving it a great deal of thought.  You should know, also, that some judges will consider a motion for temporary possession of the residence pending the trial.  This varies dramatically from county to county (and sometimes even from judge to judge) so you will want to discuss it with your lawyer.

It goes without saying that if domestic violence is an issue, then all of this is moot.  You will need to take whatever steps you must to protect yourself.  Just make sure you let your lawyer know what is going on.  In the case of domestic violence, your lawyer may actually be able to have your spouse removed from the house.